Action Figure Camping! Part I

When last we left my action figures, Captain America was still trying to get Boba Fett to let him ride his new Schwinn Stingray...

"Come on! Just a quick spin! Like, I'll just go around the block then bring it right back."

"No."

That's when they heard an approaching rumble. The guttural chug of a diesel engine and the crackle and roll of massive wheels...

"What the..."

What approached was a gleaming machine of pure beauty. Part transportation, part home away from home. A vehicle designed to eat up the countless miles and rest its massive frame in campgrounds all across the country...

"What's up, fools!" said Indiana Jones, "Check out my new wheels!"

"Dang, Indy, this is suh-weeeeeeeeeeet!" exclaimed Cap.

"Yeah, well... dig my new bike, Jones." said Boba Fett, but they just ignored him.

Indy surveyed his new house-on-wheels like a curator appreciating a newly acquired Renaissance painting. "Yeah," he said, grinning from ear to ear, "I've been threatening to get one of these for years. Think of all the archeological digs I can take her on!"

"This baby's got everything!" Indy bragged. "Windows that open..."

"Tons of storage and a drop-down set of steps..."

"Slick dolphin graphics..."

"And dig this; it even came with a couple of sweet new mountain bikes!"

"Nice! Can I ride one?" asked Cap, not wasting any time.

"Hell yeah, bro! We're gonna do some serious off road ridin', man!" said Indy, filled to the brim with new-purchase adrenalin.

"Well, you know, I got a bike too, so..." Fett mumbled, but it fell on deaf ears.

"Check it, " Indy continued, "It's even got a drop down ladder for roof access."

"Let me show you the inside," Indy said, eyes twinkling with excitement. "It's got a cushy cab up front, complete with cruise control, MP3 player and a glove compartment. It's literally a compartment specifically for my gloves!"

It started to dawn on Cap and Boba at this point that Indy may be a little too excited.

"It's got a nice little dinette area for playing cards or eating chili dogs or dusting off a 13th century Mayan artifact..."

"A fully working kitchen..."

"A full bathroom with a sink, a shower and a toilet, so you don't have to bathe in a freezing lake or poop in the woods..."

"And of course... this is where the magic happens!" Indy bragged, stretching out on the queen size bed in the back.

Cap and Boba gave each other a look, as if to say "Yeah, right," but it was lost on Indy, blinded as he was by his new toy.

"So, what do you guys say? I'm thinking it's time for a good old fashion camping trip!" said Indy, desparately trying to get his buddies on board.

"Well," said Cap, "It would be pretty fun. I could bring some gear and our sleeping bags."

"Yeah!" agreed Fett, getting more and more excited about the idea, "I've got a tent that me and the Mrs. can sleep in."

And speaking of wives, as if summoned from thin air, the significant others of our trio of best friends (and BFFs themselves) walked up to see what their husbands were scheming.

"Okay, boys, you all look like you're planning something that we're all going to regret," said Scarlett. Spider Woman and Princess Leia gave each other a knowing look.

"Well, "said Captain America, "Indy here got this new RV and we were thinking that it would be a blast to all go camping." A hopeful look spread over his face. His wife, Leia, didn't look convinced. She was a princess after all.

"Actually, Spider Woman said, "My husband has been wanting to do this for years, so I have to support him. I'm in." She looked at her friends. "Oh come on! It'll be fun! We can watch our husbands act like cavemen all weekend."

The girls finally agreed and a weekend was picked for their camping trip.

"Alright!" Indy exclaimed, "We'll hammer out the details while you guys grab some gear. We're going camping!"

As Indy and Spider Woman drove away, Dr. Jones could barely contain his excitement.

"This is going to be great! Just imagine all of the ancient artifacts we could dig up!"

"Honey..." Spider Woman said, getting that put-her-foot-down look on her face, "This is meant to be a fun, relaxing trip with our friends. So no digging."

"But what if I find something? Like an ancient Indian artifact?" he said, looking for some leeway.

"No." said his wife, with a healthy dose of finality.

"But it'll belong in a museum!" he said.

"So do you." she said with a wink.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Lite Brite Brutes! Green Lantern!

For Colin, by request.

Comic Lust: Batman - Brave and the Bold - Featuring Mister Miracle & Big Barda!

Any of you that have been following my past blog incarnations may remember my sudden discovery and immediate love for the Jack Kirby-created DC Comics escape artist extraordinaire, Mister Miracle and his curvacious crusher of a wife, the lovely Big Barda. And if any comic book was going to peel me away from the 25¢ bin and actually commit to paying (gasp!) half cover price, it would be this issue of Batman: Brave and the Bold costarring the 4th World's cutest couple...

I love how they tried to keep it a mystery as to who this character might be in the magnifying glass. Let's see, the silhouette is standing on Aero Disks, Big Barda looks worried, the tagline says it'll take a miracle... Hmmm...

I actually really love these Brave and the Bold comics with their crisp lines and confident design aesthetic., I mean, just look at the above spread. Two pages and ten panels of silent, vibrant action. And seriously, how badass is Barda?

I won't go too deep into the story, here. It's your usual comic fare, someone is in trouble, help comes, there's a bad guy, the bad guy gets defeated. I honestly just bought this for the sheer joy of seeing Scott Free and Barda drawn in this style. Look at the follow tip of the hat to Kirby's cover for Mister Miracle #1...

This issue does give some serious nods to the entire New Gods world, and you gotta love that, especially since these comics were aimed at a younger audience as a tie-in to the animated series (which I also loved). I'm okay with this type of "gateway drug".

So, like I said, some 4th World hooligans show up, but it's nothing that Miracle can't handle with the help of his Mother Box (dang, I want one of these!) and a Boom Tube to clean it all up.

I know I'm probably the only person in the entire universe that would want this, but how cool would an ongoing new Mister Miracle comic be in this style? Or better yet, a cartoon! Ah... one can dream.

Lite Brite Brutes! The Avengers!

You Ever Take it Off Any Sweet Jumps?

So, I swung by Toys R Us yesterday just to see if anything grabbed me. Even though my toy collecting is calming down a bit and getting more focused on certain vintage collections, I still get the itch to see what's out there. Besides, I'm still looking for a couple of new G.I. Joe figures (damn you elusive Storm Shadow and Zombie Viper!) and the new Hot Wheels K.I.T.T., and since my wife was clothes shopping, I was pretty much free to go geek out.

I really wasn't seeing much. Sure there were several things I would like to have, but again, I'm trying to be more about collecting as opposed to amassing.

But all of that self control went out the window as soon as I laid my peepers on this beauty...

Great googly-moogly! There are very few things on this good green Earth sexier than a Schwinn Stingray Krate. I have always been in love with Schwinn Stingrays. Those sleek lines, that glistening chrome and those arching ape-hanger handlebars reaching for the lofty realms of the gods.

When I was a kid, the banana-seat-sissy-bar style of bikes was dying out, to be replaced by the grittier all-terrain aesthetics of BMX bikes and I wasn't immune to the changing fads. Don't get me wrong, I love my black and gold Huffy dirt bike like the cowboys of old loved their horse. It was my constant friend, gliding me through the streets of my small home town, taking me from one adventure to the next. But every now and then, I'd get a glimpse of some archaic cast off Stingray at a garage sale or leaned against the side of a garage, rusting in the elements, and I would harbor a secret desire to take such bikes and bring them back to life. But the imagined ridicule of the BMX crowd in my neighborhood stayed my hand.

I did once briefly own a vintage Schwinn Stingray, but that's another tale for another day.

Today, I'm talking about a brilliantly designed 1:18 scale model of such gleaming verisimilitude, that at first sight, the very breath caught in my chest, only to slowly resume as I took this beauty from the peg.

I don't know a lot about these miniature bicycles, but considering how many different styles and brands of them that there are choking the shelves of toy stores everywhere, I can only imagine that they are a formidable category in the toy collecting world. Again, just like the days of my youth, these toys are dominated by BMX and Free-style versions, which made this single nod to the days when kids cruised instead of raced all that more special.

Getting the bike home, I knew I had to put it in good hands, and since I think I spied Boba Fett giving this sleek machine an appreciative once-over, I know he'd be more than up to the task of taking it for its inaugural spin.

Oh, how I wish I could be him! Arms straight out, spokes spinning, chain pulled taught as it effortlessly turns the gears and watching that diminutive front tire practically hover over the passing asphalt.

Of course, a bike like this would only call out to every other kid in the neighborhood, tempting every budding speed-freak in a 3 mile radius with its very being alone.

It's just a matter of time before one of the braver kids musters the nerve to pull his eyes away from the candy apple red sexiness perched upon two coal-black tires long enough to look you in the eye and ask, "Hey... uh... you think I could take it for a ride?"

And any true lover of such a sleek specimen of speed would have to set his shoulders, look that kid right in the eye, and say,

"No. No you can't. Go ride your stupid BMX."

And then, like the blaze of a setting sun, head off unhindered towards the horizon...

... just cruising.

Tales from the 25¢ Bin!

Exclesior, True Believers! It's time once again for another look at my latest haul from the cheap-o bin at my local used book store.

I managed to walk away with some serious gems on my last visit, despite the fact that I had to wander around the store until this other dude finished rooting through it and amassing a mega-stack of comics that had me worrying that there wouldn't be anything good left.

But luckily, the cheap comic book gods were with me. Behold...

First up, I managed to add yet another issue of G.I. Joe Special Missions to my collection. I was an avid reader of the regular Joe comics back in the day, but never bought many Special Missions issues, probably because these were coming out around '89, when even though my comic book reading was reaching a new height, I was mostly neck deep in Batman comics and pretty much nothing else. I'm hoping to eventually find all of these and then have a marathon G.I. Joe Special Missions session one day.

Next we have a true gem (to me, at least), with this issue of Kull the Destroyer. This run of comics (based on the Conan-esque character from Robert E. Howard) was always good for a rousing yarn packed with magic and mayhem. I used to love them as a kid, but they were hard to come by back then. I've managed to gather several of these issues over the years, but it's rare that I find an issue that I need. Score one for me.

Another favorite from my personal Golden Age of comic book collecting (middle school), is the brilliantly silly Spider-Ham. I keep running across these priceless issues in the 25¢ bin and always snap them up immediately. I remember once drawing a picture of Spider-Ham on the back of a notebook in 7th grade and this girl looking over my shoulder and going, "You made him look like a pig!" She meant it as a dis, but I took it as a compliment.

And much like my beloved Kull, The Warlord is another beloved adventure character from my youth. I've prattled on about the legendary Travis Morgan before, so I won't bore you all with my poetic waxing again, so let's just say that I was hella stoked to find another issue of this series in the cheap bin and leave it at that.

Now for a real score! This 1978 issue of Archie's TV Laugh-Out is beyond cool! Heck, I've never even seen an issue of this series, and I've been reading Archie for decades. So imagine my surprise at finding this little beauty. The cover gag alone just screams nostalgia as both Happy Days and Charlie's Angels get a mention. Considering the title, I expected the stories inside to be all TV themed, or maybe even TV show spoofs, but quite frankly it was just another collection of short tales from Riverdale. Still, there's nothing about this comic that I don't love. It even had a Josie and the Pussycats story, and the more I get of those lyrical lasses, the better.

And finally, the cream of this particular crop, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the one 25¢ comic that caused me to literally punch the air and let out a resounding "YES!", issue #1 of the Marvel Comics epic event, Secret Wars. Now, I have the collected Secret Wars TPB, but seeing this issue brought back a flood of memories of me and my friends skateboarding down to the local comic shop every month to pick up the latest issue in this 12 part series. To this day, the issue where Spidey gets his black uniform stands out as one of my all-time favorite moments in comics. Man, I need to sit down and read Secret Wars again. What a score.

So that's it for this episode of Tales from the 25¢ Bin. Tune in next time for more show-and-tell excitement!

'Nuff said!

Lite Brite Brutes! The Shepherd, the Lost Sheep & Bo Peep!

JOIN THE DORK HORDE!

Calling all dorks, nerds and geeks! Now is your chance to join the mighty horde!

I have come up with an idea to use my blog, Lair of the Dork Horde, as a sort of hub for fellow like-minded bloggers. There's no real point to this idea other than experimenting with a sort of "clubhouse" kind of thing in the virtual world, that could possibly lead to all kinds of fun things (like maybe an eventual annual meet-up), but mostly act as a display of unity among the fanboy and fangirl bloggers out there, who I imagine as sort of ambassadors of all things geeky to the rest of world.

So, with this, I officially extend an invitation to all to join the Dork Horde!

What Membership Gets You:

• Your photo and blog link posted in the "Members" section of this blog.
• A weblink/badge for your blog/website showing your official membership in the Dork Horde. (I'm working on that.)
• Inclusion in weekly/monthly themed posts with crosslinks to your blog. (Also working on this.)
• And any other future benefits as we come up with them.

What You Need to Join:
A blog or website that celebrates and promotes some aspect of geekdom (for example: comics, toys, gaming, movies, books, sci-fi, fantasy TV, etc.). This website/blog needs to be rather substantial. In other words, I don't want people to just start up a free blog just to join and then never post anything on it.

Also, I reserve the right to deny membership for any reason (and future members will have a vote in the membership process or at least a voice in the regulation of memberships). This is our way of keeping out jerks. Sorry, but this is a club, and a certain amount of exclusivity is needed to make it a strong, positive organization.

If anyone has a question about any of this, feel free to email me.

What I Need From You:

• A picture of yourself in a black hood wearing a black mask (this is our uniform; part superhero, part secret society). It's cool if you make the mask out of black paper or even Photoshopping it on (as long as it looks cool.).
• A link to your blog.
• What aspects of geekdon/fandom are you an ambassador of? You can choose from: comics, toys, movies, books, TV, gaming (any other specializations may be accepted on a case by case basis).

Your Member # and Title will be given to you by me, The Lord of Dorkness. Most people will be awarded the level of Hordyte at first, but there will be advancements to Horde Officer, Grand Horde Officer, High Priest, Keeper of Secrets and the occasional Honorary Hordyte (for special cases of people who have added to the geek world or to the Dork Horde itself without having an on-going blog or website).

See the Dork Horde Members section of my blog to see how the membership page will look.

Now, here are some things I would love to see happen some day:
Annual Horde Meet-ups (possibly in conjunction with a comic con or some other event).
Dork Horde T-shirts, membership cards and secret rings to be mailed out to all members.
Themed monthly posts (with crosslinks to all fellow Horde Members)
Other Horde Sponsored events (art shows/charity events/whatever else we can think of).

In Conclusion:
I know that this sounds a little odd, and in some areas a little vague, but I'm looking at this as the start of something fun, unified and designed to grow on its own with each new member and the ideas that we can produce together. It will hopefully morph and change and gel in the coming months, but I hope to eventually see it build into a larger entity with the sole purpose of promoting all of the geeky things that we love, shining a positive light on all of geekdom. If you think you'd like to be a part of that, I extend this invitation to you.

So, email your photo (remember, black hood, black eye-mask), blog/website link, and list of what areas your blog covers to reisobrien(at)gmail(dot)com, with the words DORK HORDE MEMBERSHIP in the subject line.

Now get ready, for the DORK HORDE IS CALLING ON YOU!

Vintage Star Wars Thursday!

Lite Brite Brutes! KISS!

League of Extraordinary Bloggers Weekly Theme: Things That Make You Go “Whoa.”

This week's topic: What media announcement had you throwing fist pumps and doing roundhouse kicks in the air? Did the final result live up to your dreams?

So, I sat here for a while trying to think about this week's theme, coming up empty, I then went about my day, occasionally checking in on the back burners of my noggin to see if anything was boiling yet, only to end up with zip.

As I thought back on my decades of fanboyism, one would think there is at least one time when I heel-clickingly jazzed about some upcoming comic, TV show, game or movie, but for the life of me, no moment particularly stood out. I mean, sure, as a kid I would work myself up into a frothing fervor over every little detail I could scavenge in the weeks before the releases of Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, and I even remember a heart-thumping moment when that all-too familiar music kicked in on my first viewing of The Phantom Menace teaser, only to be quickly squashed as soon as I saw Jar Jar. 


But none of those moments had that certain punch that I was looking for. Then it hit me.

I do remember sitting in a theater one evening and feeling that jolt of electric excitement shoot right through my chest and pin me to my seat, to stare unblinking at the screen for a solid two minutes as I watched a familiar shadow place a fedora upon its head to the rising march of John William's score.

The thing that made me go "whoa", was the trailer to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Yes, yes... I can hear many of you groaning already. But hear me out.

I had been waiting for another Indiana Jones movie for 20 years, and like many fans, had given up all hope of ever seeing one. But the giant stone ball started rolling and I was on board immediately, and by the time I saw the trailer, I was poised to willingly go on whatever adventure Lucas and Spielberg had in store for us. That single teaser trailer was more exciting to me than all of the Star Wars prequels combined and I would end up watching it countless times in the weeks leading up to its release.

Now for the big question; Did it hold up?

Well, for me at least, it sure did.

I know all too well how the rest of the planet (or at least the pedantic pontiffs of internet nitpickery) hated every single second of the film, but I have to declare right here and now that I absolutely love this movie and as god as my witness, I honestly feel that this was a brilliant addition to the Indiana Jones mythos. It had everything that I expected; uniformed bad guys, musty crypts, supernatural artifacts, edge-of-your-seat chase scenes, sword fights, cracking bullwhips and, of course, fedoras.

I listened to all the hate towards this movie and for the life of me couldn't see that point of view. What did people expect? Alien skulls are no more far fetched than magical glowing stones or, for god's sake, the actual Holy Grail. And quite frankly, I thought Shia did a great job. He was a hell of a lot better, or at least less annoying, than Short Round. In fact, I defy anyone to prove to me that Temple of Doom was any less silly than Crystal Skull.

So there it is. My first viewing of this trailer knocked my socks off. And so did the movie and I don't care who knows it. In fact, I want nine more Indiana Jones movies! And when they eventually make Mutt Williams and the Mystery of the Sphinx's Nose, I'll be there, bullwhip in hand, slapping down my hard earned cash for a ticket, then carefully straightening my fedora before entering the theater.

Okay, I'm kidding about the fedora part. I look stupid in hats.

Please see the complete list of posts from the Extraordinary League of Bloggers and show their blogs some love. Thanks!  

Archie in France!

Technically, this should be an edition of Tales from the 25¢ Bin, since I got them for a quarter each, but they're so odd that I thought they deserved their own post. 


Now, I've never made it a secret that I love Archie comics (and have since I was a kid), and so the fact that I can't read a lick of French didn't stop me from plunking down a crisp one dollar bill for these foreign beauties. I have no idea what the stories are about, but it's not like the pictures leave a lot of mystery. Anyway, I didn;t buy them to read them, I bought them so that one day, when some guest is getting a tour of the Nerdatorium, I can go, "Hey look! I have some Archie digests in French!" and then they'll go, "Oh... yes. That's... that's really good for you. I guess." And then they'll awkwardly excuse themselves.


Zut alors!

Lite Brite Brutes! The A-Team!

One PEZ to Rule Them All...

Any of you who've been reading my blog for a decent length of time probably know by now that I love nothing more than when two of my geeky interests collide into one single roiling mass of nerdocity. And as a fan of the Lord of the Rings (both the books and the movies) and a lover and former die-hard collector of PEZ dispensers (I sold off my entire collection to one person and made enough money to live on for almost a year back when I was first in college), you can imagine my unbridled joy when I opened this surprise birthday box from my big bro (who has made giants strides in understanding his little brother's weirdness) and laid my peepers on this brilliant box collection of LOTR PEZ...

Good... gods... the sheer... awesomeness...

Here we see Bilbo Baggins and Gandalf the White reminiscing about the good old days of traveling with a party of dwarves and battling dragons. And also being filled with small, fruit-flavored bricks of candy.

Despite their boxy fuselages in lieu of anthropomorphic bodies, the PEZ dispensers below show the harrowing journey of Frodo and Samwise, with Golem in tow, toward the flaming pits of Mount Doom. One can almost hear Samwise uttering the word, "POE-TAY-TOES." 

And no epic journey would be complete without the fearless vanguard of Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli. In fact, the plastic sculpted visage on the Aragorn PEZ dispenser shows more range in facial expression than the actual Viggo Mortensen. Now to see if the Legolas dispenser can shield-surf down a flight of stone steps.

With any hope, the Bearer of the One Ring will reach the end of his quest in the foul depths of Mordor, destroying the ring of Sauron, and the armies of Gondor, lead by the fearless son of Arathorn, will push back the Uruk'hai horde, and peace will reign once again in the age of dwarves, elves, men and Hobbits. And also with as much hope, there will be extra strawberry PEZ in the pack, and not too much lemon.

In Memoriam: Ralph McQuarrie 1929 - 2012

I simply can't fully express how much Star Wars concept artist, Ralph McQuarrie, has influenced me as an artist and as a sci-fi/fantasy fan. When I was a kid, I came across a magazine that had reprinted some of McQuarrie's concept pieces for the original Star Wars movies and I remember being blown away by the stark yet powerful other-worldliness packed into every inch of his pieces. I have fond memories of copying his concepts for Darth Vader's helmet and my mind being blasted wide open to the concept of variation, of what could have been in this alien world that I had come to love so much.

He has left a stunning legacy and will be greatly missed.

Collection Dump! Remco Universal Monsters!

When I was a kid, it was pretty much mandatory that you loved monsters, and I was no exception. I used to pore through books about the classic Universal Monsters, devoured countless vampire and werewolf themed comics and probably watched Abbot & Costello Meet Frankenstein at least twice a year (whenever it showed up on our local UHF channels).

But one area concerning Universal Monsters that I missed out on was in the realm of toys and action figures. Remco had come out with a brilliant and sublime series of figures in the early '80s, which I would often see in stores, always intending to get a few, but always passing them over for yet another Star Wars or G.I. Joe figure.

I still have a vivid memory of a kid in my third grade class having all of these figures and bringing them for show & tell, and being insanely jealous. I vowed to get them the next time I saw them, but if I remember correctly, I never saw them again.

I managed to finally score an almost complete (I'm still missing the Mummy) set on a little-known auction site called eBay a while back, and now I can go back into my past, through the hazy miasma of memory, all the way back to third grade, and hold up my finally-procured Remco Universal Monsters figures and tell my fellow classmate to suck it. BAM!

Lite Brite Brutes! Leonard, Sheldon, Raj & Howard Edition!

Vintage Star Wars Thursday!