Friday, January 7, 2011

Step Right Up! If You Dare!

Not many of you know this about me, but I went through a period, back when I was studying magic and escapes, where I was obsessed with classic carnival sideshows and their human anomalies, often referred to as "freaks". In this PC world, it's not nice to call people freaks, but that's the name most people use when thinking of the living oddities that once graced the sideshow stages. I read every book and watched every documentary I could find on them. After a while, I started to develop a similar affinity to these performers as I would towards my favorite superheroes.

I would find myself drawn to people like Emmitt Bejano (the Aligator Man) and his wife Percilla (The Monkey Girl) or to the classics of the turn of the century like Jojo the Dog Faced Boy. To me, these were amazing people, stepping forward when many would have hidden. They said, Go ahead world, have good look. You're going to anyway, so I might as well get a dollar from you for it.

What does this have to do with toys? Well, thanks to my birthday shopping spree a few weeks back at Archie McPhee, I now have my very own carnival sideshow of living mysteries!

I had been wanting the full set of Accoutrements Sideshow Freaks figures since I first saw it a few years ago, but it was a bit expensive. Well, they must have had a ton left over in the factory because when I went for my shopping spree, they had bins filled with the loose pieces of each set (which came with a figure or two, a stage, some banner poles and a banner) marked at $2 per figure and 50¢ for the stage pieces. So for around $10 or so, I got three of the original four sets and managed to find the last set online for about $8.

Let's take a look, shall we...

Step right up! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

First up we have Guy Scraper, the world's tallest man! He's a 1:12 scale man in a 1:18 scale world! And next to him, rounding out this improbable partnership is Professor Peachpit, the world's tiniest man! These two best friends share just about everything... except clothes, of course!

Move along folks! Move along! Next up we have Heavy Harriet Hirsute, the world's fattest bearded lady, or the word's most bearded fat lady, depending on your point of view. She goes through 17 turkey pot pies and 11 razors a week!

Moving on we see Bernard Biceps, the world's strongest man, who can lift over a hundred Professor Peachpits or half of a Heavy Harriet! And let's face it folks, that's one heck of a mustache!

And finally we see something that is not for the faint of heart! Two living oddities so bizarre, so shocking, that we have to ask that any expecting mothers, young children or men of a weak constitution to please step out of the tent's side door, for your eyes will never be able to wash away the image of what you are about to see. Ladies and gentlemen, we bring you...

...the Amazing Frog Girl and Lobster Boy! These high school sweethearts grew up with horrendous ridicule in their communities until they met each other, and their true love at first sight pushed aside all of their former social hardships. Now, they are engaged to be married, right here on the Carnival grounds and I'm sure I speak for everyone here when I tell them WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T HAVE CHILDREN!

Now, keep it moving people. This way to the Egress! Don't miss the Egress!

Thanks for reading. ;)