League of Extraordinary Bloggers Weekly Theme: My Hollywood Blockbuster

This week's topic: You are a big shot Hollywood movie producer with an unlimited budget. You need to assemble the ultimate ensemble cast for a movie that is sure to fill every movie theater seat around the world. Who do you hire and what kind of film are you going to make?

Okay, I have to start this off by saying that I know all too well that what I'm about to propose would never in a million years even come close to being massive Hollywood blockbuster, nor does it even seem to have a killer cast, but it's a movie that I have always wanted to see made and with an unlimited budget, where I save money in a somewhat lesser-known cast, I can spend on the greatest writers, director, cinematographer, editor, score composer, and special effects. Not to mention the marketing and licensing!


So, with that in mind, the movie I'd like to make would be called:


Dungeons & Dragons: Portal of Doom


Yes, that's right, I would love to make a movie based on the legendary Dungeons & Dragons cartoon from the '80s. I'd keep everything about the original; the kids getting sent into the D&D world through an amusement park ride, Dungeon Master helping them out, Venger chasing them, the whole thing. Imagine a grand finale with a CGI Tiamat or a part in the movie where Venger hires Warduke to assassinate the kids and steal their weapons.


I know this all sounds cheesy as can be, but the way I picture it in my head (more LOTR and less Eragon) makes me think that this could work. 


The cartoon is about 6 kids who get sucked into the realm of Dungeons & Dragons, so we'd need to cast them. Now, this is where I realized that this would never be a massive blockbuster, unless it was handled like that Harry Potter movies or with the marketing push behind The Hunger Games. With movies staring mostly kids (Goonies, Monster Squad), you just have to hope that it's a hit, because you can't rely on big names to generate buzz.


We'll need kid actors to play Eric the Cavalier, Hank the Ranger, Shiela the Thief, Diana the Acrobat, Presto the Magician and Bobby the Barbarian.

Anyway, here's how I'd cast it:


Playing Eric would be Cainan Wiebe, who you may know from Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Now, I know he's a bit young, but he's growing up and could probably play a sarcastic doubter.

Hank would be cast a little older with Hunter Parrish (Weeds) playing this role. I would make Hank's character more of the group leader and older brother figure to the rest of the group (sort of, we would need to leave room for a possible romantic thing between him and either of the girls).

Playing Diana would be Keke Palmer. Now, I had no idea who she is, but I asked my wife for help on this one and she said that she love Keke in several things she saw and told me that she's kind of a big thing with kids these days. She certainly looks the part of a tough-talking acrobat. Also, being an acrobat is kind of lame, we'd have to change that to assassin or something.

Forgive me for this next one, but I just can't help myself. I honestly think that Jennifer Lawrence in the role of Shiela would add a certain weight to the film. Also, we'd have to toughen up the character a bit, because she was a bumbling idiot in the cartoon. I was a fearless and crafty thief in this movie.

Playing Presto, the nerdy magician, would be McLovin himself, Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Now, I know that he's like 26 years old now, but he still looks the part and there's no reason why we can't fudge the ages of the characters a bit and make him Hanks age. Maybe they're even college roommates home for the holidays or something. That could work.

And rounding out the cast of young 'uns, is Nolan Gould (Modern Family) as Bobby. I just love this kid, and want him in my movie, damn it.

Of course, you can't play Dungeons & Dragons without a Dungeon Master, and who better to play this role than Danny DeVito? He certainly could look the part, but I would worry about his voice. We may have to work on this one a bit more.

But I am dead set on casting Willem Defoe in the role of Venger. With the right makeup and costuming, I think Defoe would turn in a frightening performance.

There would be other minor characters that needed to be cast. I imagine that Ray Park or somebody like that could play a silent Warduke, and I wouldn't mind working in Strongheart the Knight somehow. But I'd make him a grittier, fallen hero type that redeems himself in the end.

So, there you have it. This is the movie I'd make if I was a big shot producer with oodles of cash. I don't know how much of a blockbuster it would be, but weirder movies have made massive splashes. So I'm sticking to this dream.

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Random Toy Pic #46! What Warduke Always Wanted!

Random Toy Pic #24

Bonus Post: The ECCC Dollar Bin Toy Haul!

I just got to do an extra post to show off some of the killer figures that I got for a buck each this past weekend at ECCC. You saw a couple of them yesterday in the Random Toy Pic, but I thought that their fellow cheapies needed a little spotlight, too.

So without further ado, let me introduce you all to the ECCC Dollar Bin Crew!

Like I said before, each one of these classic figures were a big whoppin' buck! Let's take a look at them individually...

First up is a classic Ugnaught, who we saw yesterday making friends with Dagget. He didn't come with any of his gear, like his purple smock, but then again, he was a dollar. In fact, none of these figures came with jack squat, but that's what eBay is for.

Here's whats-his-face from Return of the Jedi. He was one of Jabba's skiff guards, I think. I don't know, I never had him. Somebody help me out with his name. Kevin? Was that it? No... Paul?

Third in line is one of the heoes of the Battle of Endor, Nien Nunb! This dude co-piloted the Millennium Falcon with Lando against the second Death Star! They blew that business up but good, and do you know what ol' Nien did? He laughed. That's one bad dude...

And finishing up the Star Wars members of the Dollar Bin crew is the one and only Luke Skywalker in his Hoth Gear. Like I mentioned a while back, I never had this figure and just pretended that my Hoth Rebel Soldier was Luke, and now that I finally have one I feel like my entire childhood was a sham! Just kidding. But this is an awesome figure and simply exudes "Luke-ness".

And here we have adorable little Dagget from the classic Battlestar Galactica line. I did have this guy when I was a kid and ofthen pretended that he and R2D2 were best friends. When I was a kid, i thought he was just about the cutest thing ever. Looking at him again is making me rethink that original assessment. He's one freaky looking critter.

And since I was buying Dagget, I couldn't pass up this Cylon figure. I already have one Cylon figure, but you can never really have too many. Why did these figures have zero leg articulation? What a gyp!

And finishing it off, it wouldn't be my blog without at least one mention of LJN's Dungeons & Dragons line, and Bowmarc here made it home with me to join my slowly growing ranks. Granted he's completely weaponless and wearing the world's gayest armor, but he's sort of a hard one to find, so I'm considering this dude a score.

Well, that's it for the Dollar Bin Crew! I've got another article coming up tomorrow showcasing a true classic, that I have been looking for for years. See you then!

Dungeons & Dragons Colorforms!

It's pretty hard to find a kid that grew up in America in the '70s or '80s that didn't have at least one set of Colorforms. Let's face it, they were cheap, looked like they had a lot of play for their buck and therefore often ended up under every kid's Christmas tree at least once. Heck, I had a couple; a Batman set and a G.I. Joe set later on.

But let's face it, this is one of those toys/games/crafts that are fun for about ten minutes. You'd peel off the rubbery (and smelly) two dimensional figures, stick them somewhere on the board, then put another one somewhere in proximity to the first one so that they sort of looked like they were interacting in some way. Then you'd look at it for a minute. Then you'd push it under your bed, never to be seen again.

Okay, to be fair, I would make and re-make some scenes, but that only bought it an extra 10-20 minutes of play before it got pushed aside.

But still, despite their lack of staying power, Colorforms were a huge hit, big sellers and still a major nostalgia bomb for many of us, myself included.

I scored this sweet Dungeons & Dragons set on eBay last week, mostly out of my love for old D&D toys and ephemera. But that didn't stop me from cracking it open and slapping those floppy heroes and villains onto the background... and then looking at it for minute, then putting it all away on the shelf for diplay.

But not before I snapped some pics first... (click the images to view Tiamat sized)

 First off, the box art is dope! It's just the type of art that I remember from the action figure card backs and coloring book covers. As a kid, this type of art smacked of a forbidden joy, reviled by parents and rampant with scale-covered, bat-winged dangers!

Inside the box, we have our usual menagerie of Colorforms components; static background scene and shiny black sheets of oddly colored vinyl figures. When I opened this set, a couple of the figures and some of their accessories were already loose and sliding around, remnants of what appears to be the one lone time some kid gave it an effort at playing with this set, only to be so bored as to let the other figures stack stuck to their black backing boards, never to be played with.

The choices of the characters, both who they are and how they were rendered, is beyond odd. I mean, a pink Warduke? And who is that little dwarven wizard character? He looks like a reject from Rankin & Bass' production of The Last Unicorn.

Anyway, none of this stopped me from putting together a harrowing scene of epic struggles in the age of swords and sorcery... umm... rendered in pink polyurethane...

Look at this exciting battle scene! A weaponless Strongheart, locked in battle with the Ogre King! Melf the male elf, looking directly at the viewer as if to say, "What the hell is going on here?" and the lovely yet competent Mercion, also looking at the viewer as if to say, "What the hell is Melf looking at?" And the maghity and fearsome Warduke... just standing there... looking pink.

Oh well, they can't all be winners. But for all its faults, this set is still an excellent example of the silliness of '80s toys (or games or crafts, depending on your point of view) and a testament to the history of a more innocent time from Dungeons & Dragons.

You know, I think I'm going to open this box back up and make another scene.

Wait... no. No I'm not.

LJN's Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Vintage Mercion!

I... love... LOVE, I say... LJN's 1983 Advanced Dungeons & Dragons figures, and have waxed poetically time and time again about the sheer frightening awesomeness of Warduke, or the gleaming righteousness of Strongheart, but I have never really talked about any of the other figures in the line, and as I was looking over my AD&D collection the other day, I decided that it was fine time to give a little spotlight to my favorite Good Female Cleric, Mercion.

I scored this Mercion figure after almost two years of trolling eBay for a decent and affordable one (to no success) in a deal made on an action figure forum. Mercion is one of those figures that I never had, but was always aware of, thanks to seeing her on the backs of the cards and once in real life on the shelf of a childhood friend who took far better care of his toys that me.

Now, not to be a total pig here, but let's be honest, she's pretty cute. And there's something to be said about courageous women in full armor.

Okay, now I'm being a total pig. Woot! Woot! Booty shot!

Actually, the main reason I stripped her down was because it was pointed out to me on my Flickr page account that her tunic and cloak appeared to be inside out. But once I got those off (carefully, due to the almost ancient strings holding the cloak on), I was astonished by the killer sculpting of her armor, especially for 1983. I mean, you can see every little strap and buckle, every fold in her glove, every row of woven chainmail. Even her hair seems to be artfully sculpted, far beyond the usual fare served up in the early '80s.

Which brings us to her clothing. Again, I'm a sucker for realistic cloth clothing on figures (I know some people hate it), so you know that I'm simply over the moon that this little figure (she's one of the shortest figures in the line) came with a cloth tunic, tied with a small length of black ribbon for a belt, covered by a silver, sparkling cloak (the sparkle didn't really come through in the picture, but trust me, it's pretty badass looking).

Here she is in her Cleric's tunic...

And now with her cloak and mighty staff of head-bonkingness...

Which it looks like she's going to need, since there seems to be trouble in this part of the forest. PRepare yourself, Mercion!

Anyway, to sum up, despite the fact that I never had this figure (thus lessening my nostalgic ties to it a bit) and the fact that my AD&D collection is made op of frightening foes and larger than life heroes, this little, gentle-faced, sun-haired Cleric somehow manages to stand out of the crowd. A capable young woman in a dangerous world.

But, I think I'm going to call in Strongheart just the same. I mean, that is Warduke approaching.

The 2010 Action Figure Nativity!

Earlier today, I spotted this great improvised Nativity scene that our good friend Bubbashelby made and posted to his Tumblr, which you can see HERE. Seeing this reminded me of the action figure Nativity scene I made and posted on that old blog (Gleek Orthopedics, or something like that), which looked a lot like this...

 

(Click all the pics to make mucho biggo)

Then, I thought, "I gotta make another one!" But I didn't have a lot of time and I gave away my Playmobil Christmas set, including all the animals, and so I ran down to the garage and quickly made a manger out of cardboard. I brought it upstairs, stuck a sparkly snowflake ornament on it and filled it with the usual Nativity cast.

And here it is, folks, the 2010 Action Fingure Nativity!

Awwww... it's the story of Jesus...

Above, we see the three wise men, played by Crystar, who brought the newborn savior his first cellphone, Ringlerun the Wizard, bringing a ninja throwing star and a bag of Jelly Bellies and Dastan, who brought the infant a pair of snow goggles.

The three shepherds, Flynn, Snake Eyes and Chewbacca brought their herd of glow-in-the-dark Japanese dinosaur skeletons to witness the birth of the savior.

And here we have the baby Jesus himself, played by a vintage Tomy Rascal Robot and looked over by Han Solo and his mother, the sainted Wonder Woman. Look how peaceful the child looks, wrapped in the warmth of Mork's space egg. 

And looking over it all, is an agnel of the Lord, who also happens to be from Mars, and has a crossbow.

And that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. :) MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

AD&D Plastic Mini Figures!

I'm not sure if I have mentioned this before, but I'm a total nutjob over the classic LJN Advanced Dungeons & Dragons line of toys from way back in 1983. (I have mentioned this before... lots.)

In fact, I wrote a little something about my all-time favorite D&D baddie, Warduke, over on my About.com site. And also on the same site, you'll find a small gallery of LJN AD&D action figure card backs.

But today I want to talk about a collection of AD&D toys fromt he same period that aren't seen very often and I had never seen in real life until I scored some on eBay recently. I'm talking about thse killer little AD&D plastic mini figures...

There little fantasy denizens stand just slightly taller than your average green Army man, but these guys have the bonus of being fully painted (in Warduke's case, very poorly painted, with is giant red paint splotch where his eye should be).

I'm not really sure on when or in what format these were released, and quite frankly, I'm too lazy to research it right now. I imagine that they came out around the same time period as theri fully articulated counterparts, but as to whether they were sold in sets, on a card, in a box or perhaps in a gumball machine is beyond me.

Here we see the far more nicely detailed goody-two-shoes, Strongheart...

Here we see the blue-bearded dwarf, Elkhorn, who's name always bothered me since he clearly had the horns of some sort of bovine-related animal on his helmet and not the branching rack of an elk. And besides, elk don't have horns, they have antlers. But I digress.

And finally (in my collection, at least) is the good wizard, Ringlerun, which is a stupid name. he sort of reminds me of the Winter Wizard from Rankin & Bass' Santa Claus is Coming to Town. You know, like after he got his choo-choo and got all warmed up and pink-skined. Just sayin'.

If memory serves, I believe there was at least one more figure in this series of some sorceress chick in a black dress. Maybe one day I'll find her.

In the meantime, I'll busy myself repainting poor Warduke's glowing red eyes.

These are odd little figures, since they're too large to actually use playing D&D (Elkhorn would be a giant!), and too small to use in play with the other figures (even the rubbery non-posable figures from the line are much larger than these harder plastic figures). But their sheer oddity is what I find so endearing about these toys. I wonder what their ultimate purpose was? What was LJN thinking?

Well, who cares. They've earned a place on the mighty shelf of nostalgia here in the Nerdatorium, and there they will stay.