Ooooooh baby! Brian over at Cool & Collected hit us with a good one this week! (Actually, this week's post was suggested by fellow League member, Paxton Holley from Cavalcade of Awesome. Thanks Paxton!) I've been wanting this little fantasy of mine to happen for years, and if it happens right now, this is how I'd like to see it go down.
The number one movie I'd love to reboot and recast is the one and only Beastmaster!
I've loved this movie from the very first moment I saw it. I must have watched it almost as many times as I watched Conan the Barbarian and Star Wars. I spent an entire summer running around with a cardboard version of Dar's sword and making that screechy hawk sound that he did. So much so that my dad swore he'd ground me if I made that sound one more time.
And although I'm not a huge fan of reboots, if I had to pick one, this would be it. But who to cast? Read on...
I know, I know. This is bordering on typecasting for this poor guy, but let's face it, he's such a bad-ass with long hair and steel hand weapons. Besides, I'm picturing a more grim, serious take on the story and we need a guy with an icy cold stare. I tried to think of another actor, I really did. But Hemsworth was the only dude I could picture opening up a can of whoop-ass on the Jun Horde.
I will always have a place in my heart reserved for Tanya Roberts (the original Kiri), but the new Kiri needs more athleticism, because in the reboot, I wanna see her kick more butt and be less of a damsel in distress. Biel has the figure and the acting chops to take away some of the silliness of the original. Also, this role needs a more interesting face, and Biel has it. Roberts always looked too "MTV rock video" for me.
In this version, I'd like to see the character of Seth with a more wiseman of the woods/secretly an Jedi-like warrior vibe. This would call for some serious acting and Fishburne has it a thousand times over. I'm picturing him with some simple facial tattoos maybe and a traveling robe covered in very faint tribal symbols.
This is the actor who plays the youngest Stark boy in Game of Thrones. I have been massively impressed with how serious and angry this kid can seem, and I think a deposed prince needs that quality. I would love to show him being quite the little scrapper himself, as if he has been under the combat tutelage of Seth for a while now.
I admit, he's getting a bit long in the tooth, but I do think he'd portray a twisted high priest better than Rip Torn, fer cryin' out loud. I had a hard time picking this one, but couldn't come up with anyone better. The last thing I'd want to see is a retread of his character in Lord of the Rings or the Star Wars prequels, so we'd really have to disguise him well and dig deep into the Maax character.
That's pretty much it for the main cast. There are, of course, many other roles to play (King Zed, leader of the Juns, those melty-faced hot witches, the bat-winged people eaters), but that's about it.
I would like to make a quick mention of how I picture the animals in the new version. First of all, they need to be all CGI now. If we can have Gollum running around, or hippogryphs escaping Hagrid's hut, or talking polar bears in armor fighting that look that realistic, then we can have a black tiger, a golden eagle and two ferrets look just as real. Also, speaking of armor, I think it would be hella cool to see some wicked armor on the animals. And maybe make the black tiger a saber-tooth tiger, like the one in the 10,000 BC remake.
Good lord. This movie is gonna be awesome!
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Ha! Beastmaster was going to be my pick as well, but I couldn't think of an actor who could pull it off. I was leaning towards Jason Statham, but Hemsworth is a much better fit.
ReplyDeleteOh man! I didn't mean to steal your pick! I'm so sorry!
DeleteOh. My. God. Yes. YESSSSS! The Beastmaster is one of my favorites, and Marc Singer is one of the earliest childhood crushes I can recall. Scary to think that it's 30 years old now. Both the sequel and the TV show were terrible, but the original movie was full of every kind of awesome imaginable: sword fights! ferrets! T&A! scary bird men! Every now and then I inexplicably get the score stuck in my head. This movie deserves a proper reboot and your cast picks would be perfect. Well done, Sir.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jamie!
DeleteYes! This would be awesome Reis and i hope Hollywood is reading this blog because this needs to be made now.
ReplyDeleteNice choice! Would love a Beastmaster reboot!
ReplyDeleteSweet. I love Beastmaster. As a kid I was always obsessed with the Winged Creatures. I also love that the original was directed by Don Coscarelli, who is responsible for movies like "Phantasm", "Bubba Ho-Tep" "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" and the upcoming "John Dies at the End". As cheesy awesome as this original is, I think a update with this cast would be killer. I actually think Coscarelli has honed his weird sense of style to the point where he could make the remake 10 times better than the original.
ReplyDelete